I think one morning how easily friendships break. For all their time and memories, and how much I make of all those little things in life.

But then I remember the truth, that I was the one who tried to not care, who, prideful and socially inadequate, ran away from my problems by being confusing, insincere, and critical. I was one who was never the friend.

And yet I can stand to be so sad that I receive my just desserts; an endless turmoil of regret and insecurity that drives an unfocused mind insane.

I was the one who set the ground for a superficial friendship and yet you stayed and smiled so kindly, the good person you were. You acted as if you forgave though I know you never forgot, at least in those days.

I walk through a crowd of people I am not interested in, because they’re not interested in me, to be honest. And this is how selfish I am.

And I want to say sorry for the person I was, the rejection of your kindness I gave. I want to say sorry, but I know my sorry is superficial and clingy because it’s too late for regret.

I have wishes that I could run away to some far off place and forget everything that ever was and start off some friendship anew, but cleansing away the imperfections of your life isn’t always so easy.

So I try again and say this time.

Thank you for being there for me when I felt alone in the world.

Thank you for being tolerant of all my insecurities.

Thank you for listening when I know you weren’t interested.

Thank you for being the friend I never deserved nor earned.

Thank you for the happiness and life lessons learned.

I may never find in my life another chance so great as I had then to make a true friend, but I should be satisfied nonetheless for I was lucky you were there.

And yet, all in all, you’ll never know my thoughts as I silence them from you, and you’ll never know my heart as I shun you in fear and shame.

These are the words I’ll only ever write as I’ve only ever written so many other words within my short, short life.

But I imagine if you were to ever read these words or hear my thoughts,

I’d tell you then to go far in life and be the beautiful soul you were meant to be

And never let false friends who acted the way I did put you down.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 6th, 2010 at 10:08 am and is filed under Lifepost. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.